How Your Concerns for Others Are Your Own Fears
If you look closely, they are your reflection
Fear can be intimidating. It can be disruptive and stop us from doing what we desire. It’s even more unsettling when people around us feel the fear for us, compounding its effect.
I have come to realize that what my family and friends fear for me is actually what they fear for themselves. See if you can spot the same thing with those around you.
There will be an exercise at the end of this post. Read it in full so you understand the exercise.
First a story:
In 2019, I made a scary decision.
I decided to leave my long-time career as a journalist to become a life coach. As I was making the shift, my husband and I also decided to uproot the life we had built in New York City over three years, and move across the country for a new beginning.
We initially kept the plan mostly to ourselves. As we told family, friends and more people about it, I started getting comments like:
“Are you sure? You are working for such a good company. It will be very hard to find as good a job again.”
“Why don't you try XYZ first and see if you really need to leave?”
“Why don’t you do more research first?”
“What are you going to do with no money coming in?”
”You should find something else just in case.”
“What if you don’t make it?”
“Be realistic.”
All well-meaning advice, though I admit hearing it was painful. I had been hoping for more encouraging, supportive words because choosing to go into the unknown world of entrepreneurship was scary enough. Plus, the idea took years to take shape.
But what they said wasn’t surprising because every concern, worry and fear that they shared was one I had already thought about.
You think we are all different? No. Our fears are more or less the same.
They were seeing their own reflections in me. I was merely a mirror of their fears.
Here comes the EXERCISE, and it’s a simple one:
1) Recall the last time when you were concerned about something or someone, or you were criticizing someone, or you debated with someone about something.
2) What did you say to them and how did you feel about the situation and the people.
3) Turn around and see how the fears might belong to you.
4) How are these fears affecting what you think, do/don't do and say/don't say?
5) How and when would you want to live differently?
My job is to help you explore and address those fears. Click the button below to book a complementary exploratory call to discuss how I can support you. You can get in touch to ask questions and leave me comments.
Stay conscious. Stay well.
Love, joy, peace, hope,
Emerge to Illuminate blog supports working parents who seek to live a purposeful, soul-satisfying life. You can subscribe to my newsletter here, and share the love if you think your family and friends will benefit from my posts. ❤️