Parents: Our Words Matter

“I want to vomit blood when I see you,” I overheard a woman speaking from a bathroom cubical to a girl who appeared to be around 12 to 14 years old as I waited in line in the restroom.

I had no idea what this girl, who wore a pair of golden-rimmed glasses, might or might not had done to provoke such a comment.

Then I observed the girl, without uttering a word and looking grim, struggling to tear out a piece of paper towel from the dispenser. The woman added, “You are such a fool.”

I could easily assume that they were mother and daughter, although a part of me hoped that they were not related. In hindsight, it didn’t matter. Children deserve respect, too.

I witnessed this incident during my recent trip back to my hometown of Hong Kong for the first time in four years.

The phrase “vomiting blood” may be unfamiliar in many cultures; it is a common Chinese expression of extreme aggravation, irritation, frustration, anger or exasperation toward someone or a task.

When I heard that comment, I was somewhat frozen in shock. It also brought back memories of comments that I heard when I grew up which intentionally and unintentionally shamed, belittled and undermined children.

This behavior doesn’t just occur in the culture I was raised in; it exists everywhere in various forms.

Have you ever noticed those inner dialogues we have within ourselves? Many things in life influence those internal chatters and voices.

Imagine how this woman’s comments would affect this young girl’s thoughts. She might say to herself:

I’m a fool
I’m a problem
I’m unlovable
I’m worthless 
I’m a nuisance

Imagine what it would be like growing up with those voices in her head —voices that could persist into their adulthood.

This post isn't intended to shame parents who have used unkind words with their children. Rather, it aims to raise awareness of how our words can impact children who rely on their parents for love, guidance, safety and acceptance.

When triggers arise, it becomes a parent’s responsibility to work on whatever is creating distance between them and the child, so they don’t pass on their emotional baggage to the next generation.

Heal your soul and your pain.

It’s not always clear why we do what we do and what impact we have on others.
With some self-awareness, you can start making positive changes right now.

Remember, it’s not about about being the perfect parent; instead, it’s about recognizing what we are doing and continuing improving.

Here are the 4As:
Awareness
Acknowledgement 
Acceptance
Action

Even if you have done something that you regret, it’s never too late to make amends. If you need guidance, feel free to PM me for a conversation. I would love to help you become the best version of yourself.

Imagine the inner dialogue this girl would say to herself:

❤️ I am loved
❤️ I am accepted
❤️ I am respected
❤️ I am seen
❤️ I am heard