A Simple Tool to Help You Make Decisions
A decision-making process can be agonizing. There could be so many things to consider, especially when your kids and family are involved, it could feel like you’re being pulled in different directions. Your mind goes in circles, keeping you stuck and holding you back from moving forward.
I’m sharing one simple tool that can help you get clearer. You’ll get to try it out in an exercise below. (Read the post in full so the exercise will make sense).
First a story:
When I was deciding whether to move to California from the New York City, I was at a very low point in my life. I was on medical leave for burnout caused by the stress I had built up over the years while looking after my household and working in a high-pressure media job.
Moving meant leaving my long-time job, taking our son out of a school that he’d been in for only a year, and uprooting the life that my husband and I built for the past three years.
There were other considerations, but one of the main reasons for heading to California? The constant stream of sunlight – not to mention the easy access to nature and beaches.
I had wanted to move to the West Coast for years, but to actually do it with so many things at stake, it was hard to decide.
It took me a long time to reach a conclusion. We’d moved countries a few times which was exciting, but relocating across the country without the usual financial safety net, it was scary and I didn’t take the decision lightly.
Two weeks before we were ready to move, hesitation STILL crept in. After all, I still could make the choice to reverse the decision, right?
Visualization
Instead of using my left brain thinking up the “good” and “bad” reasons of the move, I tapped my right brain by using a simple visualization exercise: I put myself right in the situation as if it’d already happened. It was winter time in New York, and I imagined living in the same place the following year.
The answer was so clear then and it didn’t take a minute to know it. I knew I couldn’t bear another cold winter. My heart was racing with excitement and my eyes lit up. That decision was final. I didn’t have any doubt; I had absolute clarity.
Note that it took a lot of thinking and coaching before I came to the final decision. But for the doubt and hesitation I still had at that point, this technique worked beautifully.
Tapping into your body and senses
Here comes the EXERCISE.
1) Identify a decision you try to make, however small. To keep it simple for this exercise, let’s say you want to decide whether to buy a red car or a white car (which is the most popular car color in the world apparently!).
ALERT: During the exercise, you will find yourself analyzing the pros and cons of each color. When that happens, put those thoughts to the side for the moment. You can go back to them later.
2) Now, close your eyes and imagine you are looking at the red car from afar. What is your first impression? What feelings and physical sensations come up? Note them down.
3) You then walk toward it, you take a close look at the body of the car, you touch it and you can probably smell it. At this moment, you are tempted to get in for a test drive. Go do it! Drive it as if you already own it and notice how you feel.
4) You are driving through the town and now you have to stop at the traffic lights. As you turn your head, you see the reflection of yourself in the red car in a shop window. How do you look? How do you feel? What thoughts come up?
5) Now you return to the original parking lot. Get out of the car and take one last look at the red car before you walk away. What feelings, body sensations and thoughts come up?
6) Repeat the same process for the white car.
7) To get even clearer, imagine you already pick one that you want and see how you feel when you are leaving without the other one. Do you miss it?
While the mind is powerful, your body provides a lot of wisdom which many ignore.
This exercise helps you notice the thoughts, feelings and physical sensations that surface without being clouded by the analyzing that comes from your head. While the mind is powerful, your body provides a lot of wisdom which many ignore. Part of the exercise (No. 4) also helps you to see things from a different perspective.
It’s like test-driving a car first and see how you like it. Once you can EXPERIENCE it, you will gain clarity.
A decision-making process can be more complex than this. Also, it isn’t just about learning to know what you WANT but also what you NEED. That’s a whole different beast.
Try the exercise out yourself next time when you feel stuck and see what happens. I would love to know your feedback. Leave me a comment.
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Love, joy, peace and hope,
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