How to Find Peace
“What is one secret ambition in your life?” -- This is the one question I always ask my new client to ponder before we start our first coaching session together.
What surprises me is how often the idea of Peace comes up as an answer.
When we dig deeper, I understand why. It’s often due to the rambling thoughts and constant chatters in the client’s heads. These can be caused by internal conflicts or internal fighting.
One rambling chatter may go something like this for working parents who contemplate on whether to change job or find a new career:
I have a stable job but it’s not meaningful to me. Do I want to find a new job or should I start something completely new?
Even if a new job is more interesting, what if it doesn’t pay as well? What if my new boss isn’t as good as this one?
Maybe I should hang onto this job because I should feel lucky to be employed in the Covid pandemic.
I should probably give more attention to my kids instead of myself because their future depends on me.
The lockdown has helped us save money that we would normally spend on eating out and after-school activities; maybe I can spend some of that cash on myself.
How am I going to find time to focus on a new job or career when I have a family?
And what if …
Have you ever had this kind of conversation with yourself, especially when you are trying to make a major life decision? These internal talks can also be about an unhappy incident at work or an argument with your spouse. These days, you may be asking yourself: should I visit my parents once we’re all vaccinated?
What feelings come up when these thoughts come up? What body sensations do you notice?
Internal Conflicts
This kind of internal conflict often stirs up different emotions and feelings as well as confusion about yourself, the others or the actual situation.
One client described such internal conflicts as lava bubbling inside; another described it as boiling water inside the body.
Peace is the last thing on their minds.
It’s often helpful to unpack inner chatters like this:
Lay out all the thoughts, break them up and write them down on a piece of paper.
If you can see each thought like a person giving you advice or their opinion, you would probably be able to see each person holds an agenda for you. (i.e. one that wants you to leave your job; another one doesn’t.)
They each have reasons for their advice. (i.e. one that doesn’t want you to leave your job because you need the money; or one that wants you to quit because it is draining you.)
They have good intentions and give you protection, even though they may drive you crazy. (i.e. one might say, I want to keep you safe and secure; another one might say, I want you to feel good about yourself and regain your energy.)
They both carry emotions or share the same ones. (Ie. They are concerned, anxious, worried.)
“It’s like parting the clouds.”
Once you get to know each part of you, understand their purposes and acknowledge them, you will probably be able to find a place in your heart where you can appreciate them. You will experience a relief, a sense of peace and clarity and most likely the solutions that you are seeking.
It’s like parting the clouds, so the sun can shine.
Everyone has the ability to shine. So do you.
If you’d like to be guided in this process, reach out to me to ask questions, leave a comment or book an hour of free consultation where you can have coaching experience with me.
Love, joy, peace and hope,
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