You are Powerful, But You Probably Can’t See That
That’s because of the colored lens you look through
Many times, we don’t see ourselves objectively. We are subsumed by thoughts about ourselves, other people and the world around us. We place a lot of judgments on ourselves. And we don’t even realize it.
Then a narrow tunnel vision is created in your mind. You may not be able to see what’s outside of you and that can make you feel stuck.
Hey, I am guilty of that, too. I occasionally need someone to give me a good nudge to wake me up.
Our perception of ourselves is very subjective and a lot of the time it is distorted by the lens that we look through. That lens is colored by how we are raised, the environment we live in, and what our parents, teachers, friends, family, bosses, culture, religion and the society tell us.
The images or stories that you see through that lens also distort how you see others and the world around you.
That lens affects what you say and what you keep inside; what you do and what you are afraid to do; and all the decisions and choices that you make.
The judgments we place on ourselves can be so staggering that they cause stress and heartbreak, and can even harm our health.
Take a pause, and write down your thoughts about yourself. Give yourself a chance to look at those thoughts -- you would be surprised at how you view yourself.
There are two stories I came across in one week. They probably sound familiar to many:
1) A mother is looking after two young kids and is also helping her partner with his company’s administrative duties. She rises by 6 a.m. to help her children and she sometimes finishes her day past midnight. We all know what a stay-at-home mother or dad does.
She criticizes herself for not doing enough for the family and her partner, and also bashes herself for not being affectionate toward her partner. She feels sorry for him; she feels bad about herself. She also calls herself unkind names.
I invited her to look objectively at her daily routine and the amount of work she has to do. Then I told her to ask herself whether it is really true that she doesn’t do enough. And I told her, if she looked through a clear lens she could see what changes were needed and how that would affect how she felt toward her partner.
Caregiving takes time, energy, love, patience, planning, strategizing, multi-tasking and much more. It can be overwhelming. When you keep giving all of your energy to others but don’t receive anything back, how are you going to give more? How do you draw water from a dry well?
2) A journalist friend got accept to a prestigious program at a renowned school. She doubts her ability to handle school because she hasn’t studied for a long time.
I posed this question to her: in your current work, you have to do all the research, learn and study different topics for your articles, gather the information, interview CEOs and high-level executives and then write clearly in a timely matter. You have been doing it all in a fast-paced, high-pressure, competitive environment in the past several years, in different countries using different languages. If you consider that, would you really think you would have a problem handling school?
The answer is clear.
Watch the disempowering language you use on yourself:
* I’m not doing enough…
* I’m not good enough…
* I’m not fast enough…
* I’m so bad…
* I’m not good at…
You may have more to add.
Acknowledge what you’ve done. Give yourself some credit and recognition. Be kind to yourself.
Know your own needs, honor them and take action to meet them.
If you look around yourself and your thoughts, how many judgements do you place on yourself? And how much of that makes you feel good about yourself? Or makes you feel bad?
Notice how disempowering language can affect you physically, mentally and emotionally.
Here’s a quick exercise. Just think of these two images below:
• You are scared and you hug the ground.
• You are scared and you spread your wings.
What emotions does each image evoke inside you? And which ones do you prefer?
You don’t have to believe anything I say. Just observe your inner world.
Where should you look for a solution? The answer is: inside you.
One day, you realize you are not stuck anymore and can fly away. I would love to fly together with you.
If you need help to see what thoughts are not serving you, and why and how they are formed, book a complementary call with me and we will explore and investigate together. Feel free to leave me a comment, I’d love to hear what you think.
Love, joy, peace, hope, ❤️
